Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
