how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
