How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
