I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
