hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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