Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
