I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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