I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
