i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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