Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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