wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
