I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
