I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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