I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
