no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
