Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
