Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
