nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
