my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
