oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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