We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
