remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
