Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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