More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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