He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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