Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
