I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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