He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
