Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
