wanna go halves on a baby?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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