I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
