Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
