I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
