you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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