If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
