Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
