We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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