My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
