dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
