Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place