i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box