i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
that's an acceptable place to lick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list