Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
