woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
