it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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