Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
