im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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