exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
