I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
