girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
