the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
