You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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