How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
