You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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