She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
