actually, I'm a sock model
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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