I looked at my own cervix.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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