This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
