i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
