well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
