are you still at the devil's house?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
