If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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