I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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