Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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