weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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