I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's always time for handjobs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
