then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
