Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
