do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
