I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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