I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
