Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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