dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There's even glitter on my cock...
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