its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
