Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
