Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Alive.
So much puke
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
